Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Rage?

I'm a pretty intuitive person. I know how people work and why they do the things they do. Which is why I know the rage is sitting below the surface somewhere and will come out sooner or later. Why the rage? Because my daughter isn't perfect.

Now, no one is perfect. And I don't care for me as much as I care for her. I worry that she won't have friends or boyfriends, that her future won't hold high school dances, cruising with friends, or marching band and sports. I ache for her future because I do not know what it will be.

I know this is normal. I know we have to grieve what our ideas of our daughter were. And I know in my heart, that it will be okay. I know in my heart that we'll have just as many joys---just different ones than we had invisioned. But I also know the grief process and rage has to happen sooner or later. Maybe it's coming soon, as I've been thinking about it--wondering when it would arrive.

Parents, it's okay to feel these things. Our lives are now seriously up and down and spirally at times. If we're not honest about how we feel and deal with it, well, we'll become spirally ourselves and that's not good for our children.

So, I say--Come on, fates. Bring on the rage.

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