Friday, July 22, 2011

If I Could Turn Back Time

Don't you hate the moments in life where you wish you could turn back time? Back when I was in high school (20 years did THAT happen?), Cher had a song called If I Could Turn Back Time. Some of the lyrics are: I don't know why I did the things I did. I don't know why I said the things I said.

We all have regrets like this. But my biggest regrets come from the times when I DIDN'T say something. It's not something that happens to me often. Those of you who know me in "real life" know that I usually say what I gotta say. But sometimes, even opinionated, loud me can be silenced. By fear. By anger. By embarrasment. By looking at the wrong "big picture."

In becoming an adult, this was so hard for me. I WANT to be able to always speak out for the principles in which I believe. But when you have responsibilities, it's so hard! I can't always say what I want to say...fear of losing a job, offending a co-worker I have to see every day, or hurting someone else's feelings. But I do try.

When you have an autistic child, it's hard sometimes to speak up but it's not because of fear, but because of anger or shock. Last week, someone had some pretty ugly things to say to me about my child's behavior. A complete stranger. Instead of tearing her tail up, I walked away. It's not me. It's not in me to walk away. But my gut was screaming, "GET NOVA AWAY FROM THIS PERSON." I do NOT want my daughter around negativity. But I hurt that I did not stand up to this woman.

I try to remind myself that it wouldn't have changed her opinion or her behavior. I try to remind myself that mean people have been hurt. But it's so hard! We've all been hurt. But it's up to US to treat others with respect.

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