Guilt is a huge drag. What is it that makes women (especially moms) feel so guilty all the time? Today I took a day off work. I'm super sick. I have this huge hole in my ear drum and I have to see a specialist. Had to do the CAT scan thing today. The kind where they inject you full of "contrast" (in my terms...dye). I'm one sick chick. And I don't mean sick like perverted ;)
But all day (well, the hours I was awake) I felt horrible about missing work. Never mind that I'll go back to a nightmare--having a sub. teacher is never easy. But all day, I kept thinking, "People will see me out. They will think, 'Oh she's skipping work.'"
Part of that is teaching in a small town. People really do call the superintendent if they see you in town when you should be working. Apparently, we're not allowed to be sick or take a mental health day, in the eyes of the community.
But part of it is just the guilt I put upon myself. I feel guilty that my kid is playing in a living room that is covered in toys and needs vacuumed. I feel guilty that I have to work instead of take care of my daughter. I feel guilty that I get sick. I feel guilty that I can't get everything done that is "expected" of me.
What is that? Tell me, folks. What do YOU feel guilty about? Maybe we'll all feel better if we just get it out there!
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Oh, where do I begin?
1. I work instead of staying home with my kids.
2. I don't work ENOUGH so I can make MORE money to help support our family.
3. My house is a perpetual disaster.
4. Sometimes my kids haven't brushed their teeth for 3 days.
5. I don't exercise.
6. I don't get up and read the Bible daily like I want to.
7. My youngest could write his name before I realized I had never even worked with him to write letters ONCE.
Really, I could go on and on and on, but I don't want to take up TOO much room in your comments area!
Guilt is something I think ALL women feel. It's in our nature. The way I handle the extreme guilt I carry is: 1) drugs--legal ones! 2) prayer--God doesn't expect us to be perfect, so why do we expect it of ourselves? 3) support from other moms who feel the same way, so I know I'm somewhat "normal"
Hang in there, girl! You're a fabulous mom and a fabulous teacher. And yes, you can be BOTH!
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